birthday kinda day.

well.  today i'm pretending it's my birthday.  lazy morning. wedding research  pinterest stalking. i might even go get my hair cut(because it's been about a million years.) and lunch with my mom followed by a little bit of shopping.  ok, maybe a lot of shopping ;)

she's in school, you say.  why is she pretending it's her birthday, when she probably has 897098234 on her to do list?  

i'll tell you why.  

tomorrow i have clinical.  with psychiatric patients. the kind that have tried to kill them selves just days before, possibly more than once.  other ones who are so depressed they couldn't get out of bed for 3 months.  some patients are just plain crazy and talk to them selves, or yell rude things at the female nurses. and tomorrow, the day that i am with the aforementioned crazies, is my real-not-pretend birthday.  

school on your birthday... no big deal. it happens to everyone born between september and june.  but an 8 hour school day where you're locked(yes. locked in, like you're a patient yourself) on a psychiatric ward with people are cray-zee is hardly they way i've ever pictured my birthday.  seriously guys.  this place makes me want to cry when i walk on the unit.  my palms start sweating, and my heart all but jumps out of my chest and runs back out into the hospital lobby, and i fear the unknown.  my thoughts on why i will never be a good psychiatric nurse are for another post, another day.  

but seriously.  i am dreading tomorrow. i wish i could somehow fast forward to 4:15 when i am allowed to leave the unit.  i will be counting the minutes! 

but until then...

today is the day.  before the day. my pre-birthday :) 

(where the only crazy person is me.  because i'm planning a wedding.  and in school.  heaven help me.)

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 

James 1:2-4 

{Rangely, Maine}

as i studied for an exam today this verse came to mind.  As this semester comes to an end, and my perseverance feels like it's weakening by the day, this is just the kind of reminder i need.  nursing school has been the trial i've had to face lately. 

there have been nights where i cried, felt defeated, and wanted to just give up.  i considered other majors and careers because i couldn't remember why i chose one that seemed impossible to achieve. 

well, come to realize, i had forgotten who chose this career for me. i forgot who had put the desire in me to care for people, and who had guided my steps to this point.  i was taking all of the credit when credit wasn't mine. i didn't put this trial in my life.  he did.  because he knows i can accomplish it, and has planned my life with this trial to refine me, and to grow my faith.  he has also given me the strength and perseverance to get to this half-way-point.  he specifically chose these trials for my life so that i can be mature and complete, not lacking anything. just the thought that he even wants that for me is mind-blowing.  the god of the universe wants me. little clancy. to be mature and complete. and to not lack anything. 

i often think i want an easier life.  stress-free, and less busy so i can do things i've pushed to the back burner.  but considering this verse, an easy life would be pointless.  there would be no opportunity to persevere, to trust God and come out on the other side of a trial stronger, and with more faith that you had before.  

i am so grateful for these trials i've been given over the past year.  for nursing school, for the tests that i thought would eat me alive, for the strained relationships, the heartache, and for the testing of my faith. 

 i am thankful that he cares for me enough to test me and refine me.

so, GO! climb that mountain of yours with perseverance this week...it's good for you!

first day of the semester.

last semester's books

Well. today is the day! 
I am a basket of emotions.
I love school! I really do. the studying, the books, the notes cards, the fun pens... and yes, even the library.  it all brings back memories of challenge, good memories of friends,  all nighters, and success. but there are a lot of cons, that cause me stress and anxiety that I really could do without.
I'm getting excited and anxious and nervous all at the same time!!  oh my, I need another cup of coffee. 
It also does not help that I just got a alert text from campus saying all parking lots are FULL!!  at 10 am. ugh. Not really sure how I'm going to survive that jungle we call a parking garage.

First day outfit. 

The start of a new semester means new challenges, new study groups, and a new season.  goodness, I'm giddy just thinking of the spring flowers, and new grass and fresh warm air that is on the brink... getting ready to ooze over Maryland and bless our little lives.  Thank goodness for spring, it makes my soul happy :)  now, if i can just keep it all in perspective, the pros do out weigh the cons.  I just need to put my big girl pants on, and put my best foot forward, and do what Clancy does best.  be a nursing student, and be successful!
i hope today, you can put your big girl pants on, and keep it all in perspective.  we are, afterall, part of a greater plan, with every step mapped out for us, and no reason to be anxious.  

 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.  Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 

Phillipians 4:5-7