friday letters.

hey guys!  so i've been in a major blogging funk (have i ever not been in one, is the real question , i think) and i'm gonna try some link-ups through out the week, maybe to hold me accountable?  and to hang out with some other lovely blogging ladies :)
so... here goes nothin!

dear fiance: yesterday we sat together in silence doing work in starbucks, yet somehow i loved the time we had together.  stealing glances at your handsome self intently writing e-mails made my heart flutter and made studying cardiac disorders not so terrifying.  dear weather: please, please warm up!!  or at least stop being windy.  I really hate the wind.  (but you already know that)  dear  mom:  have a great weekend away with your crazy girlfriends!  so glad you can get away and stop working every once in a while.  dear wedding:  I CANT WAIT FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm linking up with ashley over at the sweet season  she's so sweet, and preganant, and has the cutest little pup.

because it's thursday.

here's an oldie but goodie.  

this is one of my favorite pictures of me and the boyfriend fiance ;)  

I still need to get used to saying it! 

hope you have a great thursday!  the weekend is almost here! hang in there :) 

he+she

he told her to be ready at 5.
she curled her hair, and slipped into her red dress.
she was so looking forward to this date with him.
(he just came home from africa 2 days earlier)

at 5 pm, a knock on her door.  not his car, but a town car was parked in her driveway.  she got very nervous and her mom had to convince her that it was ok...
the driver handed her an envelope that said "Number One."  the envelope contained a note that explained how sorry he was for being gone for 6 weeks in africa, again, and served as the first clue in her scavenger hunt.
number one sent her to the park where she first heard him say "i love you." in the exact spot was a red balloon waiting for her with "Number Two."  there was yet another heartfelt note recalling specific moments of that perfect spring day two years ago, and another clue.
number two sent her to the top of the parking garage, where they had their very awkward first kiss.  there she found two red balloons and "Number Three" attached.
so far, each note has made her heart race, and eyes well up.  she keeps hoping he will come out from his hiding spot because she just wants to be with him.
by now, she is thinking "this is the best apology. i don't know how he will top this when he proposes"
 "Number Three" sent her to the school campus where they met, and their relationship grew from friends to best friends, to soul mates.  three red balloons were in the spot where he first saw her during their first semester. (she didn't see him)
she still thinks it is the best apology to date, and is getting very anxious to see him and kiss him.
"Number Four" made her burst into tears.  the emotions, details, and love that he put into these letters is overwhelming, and she just. can't. handle. it.
she got instructions to call him, and go to the place where they had their first date (also their favorite resturant.)
he stood waiting as the car pulled up.  they hugged, kissed, and grinned until their faces hurt.  he asked her to go on a walk because "they were early for their reservation."
they walked, and talked, she just chattered mostly, because he was nervous and had a dry mouth.

she had to pee and was getting restless sitting on a bench for so long "talking." she was relieved when he finally said it was time for their dinner reservations.
but before she could get very far, he stopped her. 

he told her how much he loved her and reiterated the things he said in the notes from her scavenger hunt. Then he started talking about how ready he was to marry her. Her heart starting beating louder and louder to the point where she couldn't hear him anymore. 

he was on one knee. saying something. Is this it? Did she just hear "clancy, will you marry me?"

she cried. and replied with "of course!"  and cried some more. (she should have worn waterproof mascara!!)

They embraced and walked up the hill. at the top, she saw the photographers that had been following her the whole evening. And she cried more. 

since that wasn't already more than she could handle in one day, he asked her to turn around. And there were their parents, walking with huge grins and glistening eyes. She ran with arms open to her mom, kissed her daddy, and excitedly greeted her future mother and father-in-law the whole time fighting more tears, and showing off that new ring of hers.

The six of them walked into their favorite restaurant for a celebratory dinner.

And so started a lifetime of celebration for her and her lover. They now anxiously plan their wedding day as they dream about what the rest of their lives will look like together. 

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 

James 1:2-4 

{Rangely, Maine}

as i studied for an exam today this verse came to mind.  As this semester comes to an end, and my perseverance feels like it's weakening by the day, this is just the kind of reminder i need.  nursing school has been the trial i've had to face lately. 

there have been nights where i cried, felt defeated, and wanted to just give up.  i considered other majors and careers because i couldn't remember why i chose one that seemed impossible to achieve. 

well, come to realize, i had forgotten who chose this career for me. i forgot who had put the desire in me to care for people, and who had guided my steps to this point.  i was taking all of the credit when credit wasn't mine. i didn't put this trial in my life.  he did.  because he knows i can accomplish it, and has planned my life with this trial to refine me, and to grow my faith.  he has also given me the strength and perseverance to get to this half-way-point.  he specifically chose these trials for my life so that i can be mature and complete, not lacking anything. just the thought that he even wants that for me is mind-blowing.  the god of the universe wants me. little clancy. to be mature and complete. and to not lack anything. 

i often think i want an easier life.  stress-free, and less busy so i can do things i've pushed to the back burner.  but considering this verse, an easy life would be pointless.  there would be no opportunity to persevere, to trust God and come out on the other side of a trial stronger, and with more faith that you had before.  

i am so grateful for these trials i've been given over the past year.  for nursing school, for the tests that i thought would eat me alive, for the strained relationships, the heartache, and for the testing of my faith. 

 i am thankful that he cares for me enough to test me and refine me.

so, GO! climb that mountain of yours with perseverance this week...it's good for you!

sleepless.

 tomorrow is a clinical day, which means I have a wake up call at 4:45 am. 

yet here i sit at 12:15 still awake.

I went down stairs to get myself some hot milk and honey with cinnamon, and wonder why i can't sleep.

 maybe it was the tea I drank this afternoon... 

maybe I have too much on my mind, and need to write some things down.

I've been thinking a lot lately about friendships. what makes them, what breaks them, what makes them stronger, what makes them grow.

my friendship history(i guess you could call it that) has had it's ups, and it's downs.  somedays if feels as though the downs out weigh the ups.  thank goodness there's pictures, and memories to make you remember that the ups are worth the downs sometimes, and the friend that you love is worth the ride.

sometimes, however there is no up after a down.  at least is seems that way. i am in that particular spot with a friend now.

 its not arguing, no name calling, no disagreeing.  there is no specific event that was a turning point.  it is simply falling apart. or has fallen apart. 

i keep wondering what did i do wrong? how could i have been a better friend? why is this happening now? 

part of me is "over" this friendship, the part that gets impatient, and annoyed.  the other part of me is broken. totally crushed. the part that cares, and loves and needs those people close to me to share life with. 

 i am not sure how to go about this whole thing to be honest. i have fought tooth and nail to resuscitate the friendship, but i sometimes wonder if in fact this friendship has served it's purpose, and it's ok to move on.  even the thought of that makes me bawl. 

Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival. -C.S. Lewis

how true. life is possible without friendship, but life with friendship is something to truly treasure.  i truly am thankful for the friendships i have, and the ones i've had.  even this one, that is keeping me up tonight.  a am so blessed to be surrounded by friends who make me a better person, who make me laugh so hard i cry, who make me laugh when i cry, who have strengthened my weaknesses, friends who i cherish and have made my life full.

(and i'm so thankful for my mom who's friendship is always reliable, and who's advice i should have taken years ago. thankfully she doesn't mind repeating herself ;) )

if you could give one piece of advice on friendship to a child, that would stick with them for the rest of their lives, what would you tell them? 

leave a comment with your answer!

goodnight,

-C

Tonight I enjoyed catching up with an old friend.  We met when we were in 5th grade at Pioneer Girls, a christian Girl Scouts held at my church and became instant best friends... I loved spending the weekends at her house because she had lots of brothers and sisters running around.  I even looked like them.  We loved it when people would ask if we were sisters. We would share a glance, usually giggle, and let them believe we actually were sisters.
We were obsessed with country music together, especially Tim McGraw and Faith Hill.  We even made our own music videos to our favorite songs. 

Over the years we've grown apart, grown up, gone to school, and have grown together again.   Nothing is better than sitting across the table from this girl sharing a plate of sushi and catching up on our changing grown-up lives.  

Love you Dee!