sleepless.

 tomorrow is a clinical day, which means I have a wake up call at 4:45 am. 

yet here i sit at 12:15 still awake.

I went down stairs to get myself some hot milk and honey with cinnamon, and wonder why i can't sleep.

 maybe it was the tea I drank this afternoon... 

maybe I have too much on my mind, and need to write some things down.

I've been thinking a lot lately about friendships. what makes them, what breaks them, what makes them stronger, what makes them grow.

my friendship history(i guess you could call it that) has had it's ups, and it's downs.  somedays if feels as though the downs out weigh the ups.  thank goodness there's pictures, and memories to make you remember that the ups are worth the downs sometimes, and the friend that you love is worth the ride.

sometimes, however there is no up after a down.  at least is seems that way. i am in that particular spot with a friend now.

 its not arguing, no name calling, no disagreeing.  there is no specific event that was a turning point.  it is simply falling apart. or has fallen apart. 

i keep wondering what did i do wrong? how could i have been a better friend? why is this happening now? 

part of me is "over" this friendship, the part that gets impatient, and annoyed.  the other part of me is broken. totally crushed. the part that cares, and loves and needs those people close to me to share life with. 

 i am not sure how to go about this whole thing to be honest. i have fought tooth and nail to resuscitate the friendship, but i sometimes wonder if in fact this friendship has served it's purpose, and it's ok to move on.  even the thought of that makes me bawl. 

Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival. -C.S. Lewis

how true. life is possible without friendship, but life with friendship is something to truly treasure.  i truly am thankful for the friendships i have, and the ones i've had.  even this one, that is keeping me up tonight.  a am so blessed to be surrounded by friends who make me a better person, who make me laugh so hard i cry, who make me laugh when i cry, who have strengthened my weaknesses, friends who i cherish and have made my life full.

(and i'm so thankful for my mom who's friendship is always reliable, and who's advice i should have taken years ago. thankfully she doesn't mind repeating herself ;) )

if you could give one piece of advice on friendship to a child, that would stick with them for the rest of their lives, what would you tell them? 

leave a comment with your answer!

goodnight,

-C