birthday kinda day.

well.  today i'm pretending it's my birthday.  lazy morning. wedding research  pinterest stalking. i might even go get my hair cut(because it's been about a million years.) and lunch with my mom followed by a little bit of shopping.  ok, maybe a lot of shopping ;)

she's in school, you say.  why is she pretending it's her birthday, when she probably has 897098234 on her to do list?  

i'll tell you why.  

tomorrow i have clinical.  with psychiatric patients. the kind that have tried to kill them selves just days before, possibly more than once.  other ones who are so depressed they couldn't get out of bed for 3 months.  some patients are just plain crazy and talk to them selves, or yell rude things at the female nurses. and tomorrow, the day that i am with the aforementioned crazies, is my real-not-pretend birthday.  

school on your birthday... no big deal. it happens to everyone born between september and june.  but an 8 hour school day where you're locked(yes. locked in, like you're a patient yourself) on a psychiatric ward with people are cray-zee is hardly they way i've ever pictured my birthday.  seriously guys.  this place makes me want to cry when i walk on the unit.  my palms start sweating, and my heart all but jumps out of my chest and runs back out into the hospital lobby, and i fear the unknown.  my thoughts on why i will never be a good psychiatric nurse are for another post, another day.  

but seriously.  i am dreading tomorrow. i wish i could somehow fast forward to 4:15 when i am allowed to leave the unit.  i will be counting the minutes! 

but until then...

today is the day.  before the day. my pre-birthday :) 
(where the only crazy person is me.  because i'm planning a wedding.  and in school.  heaven help me.)

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