lately: my heart.

 i stumbled across this song one night when it was just what i needed, and i've been listening to it on repeat, and thinking through the lyrics since then.  with un finished wedding plans, school pressing in on me in all of my weakest spots, and a summer full of unknowns, I've found myself, well... not being myself.  sure, i've always been a worrier.  i was the friend that always said "what if we get in trouble?" or "i don't think our parents would be happy..."  i always analyze, make lists, but recently i've found myself almost paralyzed by the decisions in front of me.  with all of these up-coming decisions, i've been gripped by my anxiety.  my chest hurts, my stomach threatens to return my lunch, and all i want to do is curl up and go back to bed where no decisions need to be made. or just cry.  that usually happens too.  i've been trying to handle all of this messy life stuff on my own, and frankly it's just. not. working.  i selfishly pushed God out of my everyday tasks and decisions thinking "i can totally handle this" and "God doesn't care what color my table linens are at my wedding reception."  well i (clearly) can't handle it on my own. God might not exactly care about my color choices, but he does care for me.  while all of these decisions are mine to make, i do have a God who cares for me and wants the best for me. he wants to steady my heart, if only i learn to trust that he is in control.